I love the devil's lettuce

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I'm a 20 year old Anthropology student with a modicum of interesting things to say. I'm queer, Latino, and very distrusting of what I have to say. It'd be better if you not listen to what I have to say.

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8 Ways To Say I Love You

1. Spit it into her voicemail, a little slurred and sounding like the shot whiskey you downed for courage. Feel as ashamed as you do walking into work in last night’s clothes. Wake up cringing for days, waiting for her to mention it.

2. Sigh it into her mouth, wedged in between teeth and tongues. Don’t even let your lips move when you say it, ever so lightly, into the air. Maybe it was just an exhalation of ecstasy.

3. Buy her flowers. Buy her chocolate. Buy her a teddy bear, because that’s what every romantic comedy has taught you. Take her out to a nice restaurant where neither of you feel comfortable and spend the whole night clearing your throat and tugging at your tie. Feel like your actions are more suited to a proposal than the simple confession of something you’ve always known.

4. Whisper it into her hair in the middle of the night, after you’ve counted the space between her breaths and are certain she’s asleep. Shut your eyes quickly when she shifts toward you in askance. Maybe you were just sleep whispering.

5. Blurt it out in the middle of an impromptu dance party in the kitchen, as clumsy as your two left feet. When time seems to freeze, hastily tack on “in that shirt” or “when you make your award-winning meatballs” or, if you are feeling particularly brave, “when we do this.” Resume dancing and pretend you don’t feel her eyes on you the rest of the night.

6. Write her a letter in which the amount of circumnavigating and angst could rival Mr. Darcy’s. Debate where to leave it all day – on her pillow? In her coat pocket? Throw it away in frustration, conveniently leaving it face up in the trashcan, her name scrawled on the front in your sloppy handwriting. Let her wonder if you meant it.

7. Wait until something terrible has happened and you can’t not tell her anymore. Wait until she almost gets hit by a car crossing Wabash against the light and after you are done cursing at the shit-for-brains cab drivers in this city, realize you are actually just terrified of living without her. Tell her with your hands shaking.

8. Say it deliberately, your tongue a springboard for every syllable. Over coffee, brushing your teeth side-by-side, as you turn off the light to go to sleep – it doesn’t matter where. Do not adorn it with extra words like “I think” or “I might.” Do not sigh heavily as if admitting it were a burden instead of the most joyous thing you’ve ever done. Look her in the eyes and pray, heart thumping wildly, that she will turn to you and say, “I love you too.”

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R. MCKINLEY, DEC. 1, 2012 (via perfect)

I didn’t read the “it” after “spit” in the first two points, so I was very confused when a seemingly serious post was suggesting me to spit in another person’s mouth. oh no

(Source: guacoma, via rattiepuff)

— 15 hours ago with 145065 notes

fr33kinmatt said: jealouss

no please don’t be. my last sexual partner’s dick was thick enough, but this guy’s got an inch, if not more on him. D:  imma be so loose if we keep this up

— 15 hours ago with 2 notes
So I just had my first encounter with a beer bottle-thick dick. Wowza, it was big. Like, 7x7 big. Like, I can barely wrap my mouth around that big. Like, you’re choking me with your dick (but I like it so keep going) big. 
Next mission: how am i gonna sit on it

So I just had my first encounter with a beer bottle-thick dick. Wowza, it was big. Like, 7x7 big. Like, I can barely wrap my mouth around that big. Like, you’re choking me with your dick (but I like it so keep going) big. 

Next mission: how am i gonna sit on it

— 15 hours ago with 9 notes
#me  #big dick  #how even anal 
yriah:

im really becoming a tad too chunky

So over the past couple of weeks, I’ve let myself go for the most part. I haven’t really cared to eat properly but continued working out. Consequence of that, I don’t know what’s happening to my body — my strength gains have stagnated and I’ve gaine da lot of fat, as you can see. Though when I wore my hat and now with my beard, I feel like Big Dipper, the gay bear rapper

yriah:

im really becoming a tad too chunky

So over the past couple of weeks, I’ve let myself go for the most part. I haven’t really cared to eat properly but continued working out. Consequence of that, I don’t know what’s happening to my body — my strength gains have stagnated and I’ve gaine da lot of fat, as you can see. Though when I wore my hat and now with my beard, I feel like Big Dipper, the gay bear rapper

— 21 hours ago with 33 notes
#me 
Really it’s so strange how malleable looks are

Really it’s so strange how malleable looks are

— 1 day ago with 3 notes
#me 

mexicanthighs:

God is real

(Source: realitytvbitch, via esachichona)

— 1 day ago with 35797 notes

theonion:

New Kindle Helps Readers Show Off By Shouting Title Of Book Loudly And Repeatedly 

— 1 day ago with 733 notes

husssel:

enemaroberts:

oknope:

the only boys i need in my life:

  • michael (kors)
  • christian (dior/louboutin)
  • jimmy (choo)
  • louis (vuitton)
  • tommy (hilfiger)
  • yves (saint-laurent)
  • giorgio (armani)
  • louis-francois (cartier)

the only boys yall can afford

(good)will 

image

(via curtisplease)

— 1 day ago with 89099 notes
budacub:

Is my future extra cheesy?

mefaty2334

budacub:

Is my future extra cheesy?

mefaty2334

(Source: paula-qu, via curtisplease)

— 1 day ago with 11205 notes

gr4ceffa:

this video was a ride from start to finish

(via penis-hilton)

— 1 day ago with 93424 notes
FUCK. THOSE HOUNDOOMS. 

FUCK. THOSE HOUNDOOMS. 

(Source: larvitarr, via camsfarts)

— 1 day ago with 4051 notes

ttothekay:

inushige:

夜桜四重奏 〜ホシノウミ〜(2010)

Give me the time and talent to do this one day please.

(via camsfarts)

— 1 day ago with 3170 notes